I’ve never been much of an athlete. Allow me to preface that by saying, I really do like sports, I am just not a participant per se’. I’ve tried. What I have gained from the sports arena are some very hilarious attempts. My theory of “ya gotta look good”, doesn’t really match up with my ability, but the outfits are cool.
Take golf for example. Years ago when I was selling advertising, I worked with a golf pro. He had a golf club business on the side which proved to be perfect timing for my sudden urge to play. I got an awesome deal on some sweet clubs. Because I really love the smell of grass and driving the carts, I wanted to tee up and try this golf thing. Not a good idea. I was in lessons for two years and never advanced out of the beginners’ class. Now mind you, I am not competitive by nature, I just strive to do well. Thank God I am ok with not. My wonderful friend Frito is quite an athlete, ie. snow and water skier, golfer, softball, snowmobiler, you name it. She suggests we join a league. Righhhhhhhhht! I mean how are we suppose to improve our game if we don’t giver ‘er all we got. We joined. I never improved. But we laughed, and we looked good.
Downhill skiing – let’s not go there. Knee boarding and water skiing; let’s just say there is something about a woman in the water, hanging on for dear life, repeatedly trying to climb onto a kneeboard that is just not pretty. I should have known better. My people pleasing ways pushed me into it. I wanted my brother to be proud. I ended up tubing. Impressive.
My first experience with softball I was around 13. The neighborhood kids put a game together in the field and were short a player. In their desperate attempt to fill the vacancy, I was recruited. This day could have been the turning point, especially from the viewpoint of the neighborhood kids who thought I couldn’t play. I was up to bat, I swung at the ball and hit a line drive into the pitchers gut. He puked. Though I felt proud of not striking out, I couldn’t help but feel horrible about hurting this kid. I never played again until my mid-thirties when I joined a local bar team in an attempt to up my ‘cool’ factor. First night of practice I was expected to catch a ball coming down towards me and I ran the other way. Hey, it looked like it was going to hit me in the head. Besides, I didn’t like the outfit. That ended that. Apparently I am not very cool.
I am not sure what my parents were thinking when they bought me a bowling ball. It was a beautiful blue ball with my name engraved. I had the shoes, the bag – the whole kit and caboodle. Until years later when my friend Maggie found it in the apartment dumpster announcing ‘some idiot threw their bowling ball in the dumpster’. When I asked her to show it to me, she unzipped the bag, revealing the personalized ball and the look on her face alone was worth all the years of lugging that ball around. Years later I joined a bowling league thinking I could meet some new friends and have some fun. The team that got stuck with me were quite disappointed. Turns out I won most improved bowler that year. A few years later those girls called to ask if I would join their team again, stating “we know you are a really bad bowler, but you are funny”. Oh great, just what I need, another reason to get laughed at. Uggh. Well I love those gals and 25 years later we’re still friends.
I was out with a friends recently; out to have a fun time and they suggested bowling. My first thought was ‘this cannot be happening’. After praying that they didn’t notice the ‘fear of looking foolish’ on my face, I said ‘well, if you are in this thing for a good laugh, ok’. I explained how I may throw gutter balls, or slide down the alley myself, or trip. He was fine with all that. What could it hurt. Who doesn’t want a good laugh, including myself. Sometimes we need to let our guard down and just roll with it. So we did. Turns out I am not such a bad bowler after all. Maybe they just faked losing, allowing me to look good.
I am thinking about taking a swing at tennis next. I love the outfits.
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